Today marks the 5th anniversary of the most significant and life-changing event of my entire history. Although deeply personal, I am compelled to share. I will also use excerpts of actual journal entries to tell the story.
After a night of drinking, I was brutally attacked in the bar’s parking lot. Unprovoked, a stranger charged and hurled themselves at me, causing me to strike my head on the concrete.
Fortunately, I immediately recognized this was from God, sending me a strong message- an answer, really. As a result, I never sought medical attention.
I cried out to Jesus Christ for rescue. I pled His blood over my head wound and threw myself on His mercy.
Although I had come to a saving knowledge of Christ two years earlier, I continued to struggle with alcoholism. I was willing to relinquish my decades-long drinking career if He would provide the path.
He did. It took four months for that hole in my skull to close fully, but my chains were broken immediately.
Ahhh, the innocence of youth. We have no idea of what life holds in store for us, do we?
You’re shattered- like you’ve never been before…
The life you knew, in a thousand pieces on the floor.
And words fall short in times like these, when this world drives you to your knees;
You think you’re never gonna get back to the you that used to be.
Tell your heart to beat again…
Journal Entry: April 30, 2017
Today is roughly a year since You dealt with me and hence any alcohol consumption. When I look back I can see ever so clearly how wrong I was to think I could continue to drink and get drunk after receiving Your precious gift of the Holy Spirit. Alcoholism is such an insidious disease straight out of satan’s bag of tricks. As if it’s not bad enough that one has a never-ending thirst, the alcoholic is also skilled in the fine art of denial and finger pointing. Throw in a little self-pity and some sorry excuses for why they drink and it’s a long walk off a short pier.
After a full year of sobriety, I decided it was time to be baptized and make my heart circumcision a public declaration.
On the evening of June 25, 2017, I really didn’t know what to expect. What I can tell you is that when I emerged from that water, I was irrevocably changed.
As I continued to seek God, my marriage became more difficult. Already separated, we continued to unravel like an old blanket, and several months later it dissolved in divorce.
Journal entry: November 1. 2017
Brand new month, brand new life. Today is D-Day for me. Divorce-Day. Although it is my third, this is definitely the most difficult. Not only did we have over 21 years together, but my whole mindset regarding divorce and how You view it, Lord, makes it a heavy burden. On the other hand, I am looking forward to slipping this cumbersome yoke and leaving it behind as I seek the newness of the next chapter in my book of life and what You have for me going forward. Today is a fresh start, a clean slate, a gift from You…Thank You Heavenly Father for caring for me and holding me in Your palms as I have traversed the last couple of difficult years. When confusion threatened to overwhelm me, Your Word was there. When sadness and pain washed over me, You held me as I wept. And through it all, You murmered to me how very much You love me. I believe You deemed this whole era of my life to be necessary and are using it for Your glory. So I give it to You- I nail it to the cross. Thank You for seeing me and hearing me. Thank You for being with me in the fire. Let my first impulse always be one of gratitude and not self-pity. You are my Father and my comforter, my redeemer and my King. Walk with me through these next couple of hours as I end this marriage to Brian and begin a dedicated life to You and Your Kingdom. In the powerful Name of Jesus and by His bloody stripes, I do pray. Amen.
In June 2018, God put it on my heart to go to Israel and told me to write about it. Not a lot to go on, but I obediently bought a round trip ticket for a month and left mid-September.
Journal entry: July 21, 2018
I was poking around the very small but well-organized and clean shop and had actually selected a pair of shorts for $3. A woman came around the corner of the rack I was rifling through and told me I looked like a writer. Now, I was wearing a business suit because I had just come from a board meeting, and I had glasses on because I need cheaters to see the labels and price tags, but other than that her words were kind of strange. I looked at her and asked her why on earth she would say that. She said she had a vision of me on the back of a book jacket, as if I were the author. We got talking and I realized that You were answering my questions about what I would do in Israel. She actually told me, almost prophetically, to let the words flow from my thoughts and through my fingertips unchanged and unedited. She was emphatic that I must not twist them, but let them come from You, and they would bless many people. That encounter still gives me chills several days later and I thank You, my precious Abba for speaking to me through this woman. I know You will give me everything I need when the time comes.
On my last day, walking along the Mediterranean Sea in Tel Aviv, I came upon this bouquet on the sand before me.
Through the plastic, I saw an envelope wrapped around the stems, clearly identifying the red circles of a 100 shekel note.
Between the shekels and USD there was nearly $600 wrapped up in a beautiful bouquet of 3 long-stemmed white roses. I still have them tied with the original ribbon… (below)
After writing all that winter, I began to question who would publish this tome? As I prayed about it, He indicated it would be a blog, so I learned how to build a website. He even provided the name.
When I began considering another longer trip to Israel in the spring, God led me to this piece of beach glass I had found in Akko, near Haifa. April 17 (417) was the date I had in mind…
Journal entry: January 17, 2019
I found some Turkish Airlines flights with short layovers in NY and Istanbul but asked that You confirm my plans before I booked them. I kneeled and prayed this Sunday evening before bed. On Monday morning, although I should have been getting ready to go get my taxes done, I found myself compelled to play with the beach glass I had found my last trip. I wanted to somehow craft a piece of jewelry with the beautiful blue stone I found near the Egyption border and a triangular piece of clear beach glass seemed to present itself as the pendant to glue the stone to. As I ran my finger over the concave surface I felt lettering and when I held it to the light I found ISRAEL 417 and nothing else. I ran to the office to check my calendar and I had made a note that I would arrive in Tel Aviv on 4/17. I went ahead and booked my flights for nine weeks!!!! Thank You Daddy!!!!
I launched the blog from Jerusalem on my second trip, in May 2019. This map represents the readership of Not All Who Launder Are Washed after one year. It was being read in 51 countries with over 10,000 views! I didn’t even know where Togo was…
After a third month-long trip to Israel in late 2019, the covid drama began. I turned my hand to other things as God led the way….
If you’re new to the blog, welcome! You can familiarize yourself with the two links below. Always feel free to comment.
Meanwhile, Spring has arrived in Eastern North Carolina, and the Ark Project is progressing . Here are a few sneak peeks… Check back or subscribe for the next full report.
By the way, I had my hairdresser snap a few pics of my noggin earlier this year. Except for some uneven terrain and a small bald patch, I am in great shape. Praise God!
As I was led by the Holy Spirit to write Broken, I believe the point is that we are all dealing with something. We are all broken in some way. Good times don’t last and bad times don’t last. Life moves on and takes us with it- ready or not. But God is always there to pick us up and brush us off…if we seek Him. He won’t arm wrestle us for it.
Your comments encourage me to continue to write this blog, so please share your own thoughts and experiences. May God bless you and keep you. May He be gracious to you and give you His peace.
MH
Love you. God is good all the time
Thank you for posting this very personal story. That took courage. “And whosoever shall fall on this stone SHALL BE BROKEN…” Matt. 21:44
You were very brave. Glad I met you!!!
Didn’t know about your attack. So happy you have found a new life with the Lord. Your Ark is stunning. God Bless.
Never knew you went thru that horrible attack. So sorry to hear that. Very happy to know you pulled thru it all. Looks like I have alot of reading to catch up on. The Ark looks amazing!! So well deserved.. Keep your head held high and keep trudging forward. Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for what you are doing. Amazing!!!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! Stay safe
Love ya!
My sweet friend! Thank you for the encouraging words. Love you!
Beautiful story! Thank you for sharing!