Grief delivers her blow like a punch in the gut- sharply and unexpectedly. The trauma usually comes from the death of a loved one, two- or four-legged, and rarely leaves us unchanged. Whether it be the untimely passing of a spouse or child, or the foreseen and expected demise of an aging parent or beloved pet, the experience can be devastating. While we understand that death is part of life, it’s difficult to prepare ourselves for the eventuality.
While some have had to experience more than their share of loss, I have been one of the lucky ones. At the time, my nonagenarian parents, children, and grandchildren were still with me, and as far as I knew, all of my siblings enjoyed good health in middle age. We had no cancer in our family and rarely a serious injury or illness, so I was unprepared for the rash of deaths last year.
Many of you knew and loved my sweet friend Diane Castaldi, who lost her battle with cancer on the very first day of the year- January 1, 2018. New Year’s Day! She introduced me to Jesus Christ in 2014 and was instrumental in my spiritual growth. She was the bravest person I have ever met, and smiled brightly through her chronic pain. You’d never know to look at her, what she endured for over 13 years. I cannot wait to see her again!
Still reeling from the loss of Diane, her beloved husband Bob passed away a few months later, in March. While Diane’s death was not unexpected, Bob succumbed to several life-threatening issues and slipped away rather quickly. The devastation to their close-knit family was heartbreaking, and I know they continue to struggle with their loss.
A week earlier, my dear friend Don McMann had finally faced defeat in his battle with ALS. He was like a father to me and I continue to miss him. I wrote this in the days following his death.
I’m searching for the words and grasping for the phrases that will tell the story, and explain what your life has meant to me. But like fireflies on a summer night, they elude me. Sitting just out of reach, they leave me with jumbled thoughts and impressions- memories that made me laugh and cry- sometimes at the same time.
If I had a dollar for every time you made me feel special, I could fly around the world. But I would fly right back to you. You had the answers to many questions, and questions that required answers that prompted me to grow. Even as your own strength was waning and your body weakened, you celebrated my triumphs, always pushing me to achieve new heights.
Now I’m staring into this big hole you left and wondering what I will do. I think of something I want to discuss, something new I’ve discovered, yet another question- and the hole grows larger. My words echo and tears splash in the abyss.
You knew I loved you, but I never told you just how special you were to me. The father I never had, the love I never knew, the words I never heard, were given me by you. Rest in peace, Don McMann. You ran the race, you persevered, and now you’ve earned your promotion. Well done! I can’t wait until we are reunited again in glory…
The second half of 2018 saw three more of my beloved friends pass under, in the words of Jackson Browne, “sleep’s dark and silent gate”. My soul was bruised and tender, and I felt like I had cried more that year than all the previous ones combined. I was happy to see 2018 in my rear view mirror and prayed for a happier new year.
Divorce, while disruptive and painful for adults, can also cause unimaginable difficulty and trauma for children. It’s important to recognize the warning signs of grief and depression. Some children lash out while others become withdrawn. According to the professionals, the stages of grief from divorce are similar to those caused by the death of a loved one. An individual’s grief is as unique as their fingerprints, and can be an overwhelming and lonely experience. We never know what the person next to us is dealing with, so we need to remember to be patient and kind.
Researchers estimate that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce, 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce, and 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce. Yikes! That’s enough to make anyone want to stay single. I’ll admit that I play a part in those hair-raising statistics, having been married and divorced thrice, for various reasons. At this point in my life, I am content to be single, and grateful for the opportunity to travel unencumbered. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
All kidding aside, social media is rife with pain and sorrow- I have never seen so many requests for prayer and stories of despair. In addition, the political divide is yawning wider and threatens to swallow our country whole. We are being torn apart by an unseen enemy and it’s all part of the plan- those wheels were set in motion long ago. Someone voiced my thoughts exactly the other day, regarding the horrible comments from people claiming to be followers of Jesus.
Let’s take a minute to reflect on how we treat others in the things we say and do. Does a spring pour out both fresh and bitter water from the same opening? (James 3:11 HCSB)
God’s Word is full of promises- somewhere between 3000 and 8000- according to various sources. I would like to think this country could pull itself back from the brink, but I am not optimistic. We need to pray for one another and make a lot of changes in our behavior if that is going to happen. I leave you with this scripture and God’s blessing.
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV)
Our immediate family has lost only our parents. That is the correct order of things. But now we find ourselves “on the front row” as we are now the oldest generation. Rich and I each worry about how the other one would do should we go first. He worries I will hibernate. I worry he will lose himself in a very messy disorganized house😂. We are thankful for the 41 years we have had together and are doing an inventory of the things we feel we still need to do. Most of all we are beyond blessed to know Jesus and look forward to eternity with Him and all who know Him. Forever Friends is what my Mom called her saved friends. So we grieve…but not as the list who have no hope grieve! We have the hope of eternity in His Presence and also the hope that even those loved ones who don’t yet know Him will come home to Him sooner or later because God hears and responds to every single prayer that’s in His will…and saving someone is ALWAYS in His will! We are a blessed people…even in our grief ♥️
I don’t know how people make it through the devastation in their lives without the hope of eternal life with our Father…
“Good Grief” is an expression my precious southie Mary Slaney would say. Another favorite was “gimme a break”. I hear her coming out of tpur mouth Marie! She would have loved knowing you and your unabandoned love for our precious Yeshua! She was all about the Lord and sharing Him with anyone and everyone who would listen. She was such an important part of my little family! She went home to be with the Lord very quickly too. That was her goal! Be with Jesus 🙂